How Not Listening to My Intuition Led to Crohn’s

 
 
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It’s true

My official Crohn’s Disease diagnosis came months and months after not listening to my intuition. My body was so loudly screaming for me to listen to her, but I wasn’t strong enough.

I was scared

I was scared to listen to what my intuition was trying to tell me. Which was to leave my relationship AND to leave my stressful high-powered job in finance.

I can’t. I love him. Things will get better. He has so much potential.

...I have spent the past almost 10 years building this career. What would I do? How would I make money?...But I’m good at this.

Our egos (rational mind) are really good at making up excuses to shut down our intuition. The thing about intuition is that it is not rational. It is a feeling. It is a calling. It cannot be pro/conned.

The trauma

I sat on my couch and looked into the eyes of a man that I loved. A man I thought I would marry.

I asked the question, “did you cheat on me?” I read the answer on his face before the words even reached him.

I jumped into the air, practically levitating so far out of my body. I felt nausea course through me. I couldn’t breathe. The entire room was spinning.

My rational mind said, “No this has to be a dream. This isn’t real. Wake up”. But I knew it was real.

I looked down and my entire body was visibly shaking. Tears were dripping down my face like a waterfall. I screamed and pointed my right finger at the door, “Get the f**k out.” I have never felt so much pain.

My Crohn’s symptoms started the next day.

IdidN’t listen

I stayed in a relationship with a man who hurt and betrayed me.

I stayed in a job that had my stomach in knots all day.

By not listening to my intuition, my body rebelled against me (autoimmune disease). I got sicker and sicker.

I knew (in my gut) that I needed to leave them both, but I wasn’t willing to.

These parts of my life felt too big. I felt too trapped. I felt too scared.

The mind/gut connection

Western medicine is finally catching up to the east when it comes to the mind/gut connection. We have something called the vagus nerve which sends signals from the brain to the gut all day long.

This is why IBS can be suppressed by anti-anxiety medication. This is why we call it a “nervous stomach”. This is why most patients with GI issues experience anxiety.

I was no different.

While my diet was not perfect, I was already vegetarian and incorporating a lot of Ayurvedic practices into my life.

Food wasn’t especially irritating in those days, but my mental food (my thoughts), definitely were my poison.

Down the rabbit hole

I agreed to give them both another try. My rational mind believed things would get better.

My body felt differently.

After this trauma, my anxiety was suddenly off the charts, not just with my relationship, but at work as well.

Would he cheat again? Is he cheating now? I’m almost 30, what if I end up alone?

...When is my boss going to IM me? How can I anticipate her next question?

Whenever one of these thoughts would come, I would run to the bathroom.

Eliminating.

As if I could magically eliminate this poisonous pain and trauma out of my body. I couldn’t.

The diagnosis

I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in 2017 via Colonoscopy. By the time of diagnosis, my GI tract was littered with ulcers.

I was skin and bones. I could barely eat. I was going to the bathroom 6-12x a day (which was excruciatingly painful). I could barely walk due to my inflammation. My intestines would cramp uncontrollably. I was experiencing horrible hormonal acne, and a lot of hair loss.

Accepting western medication

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This was one of the hardest parts for me.

I’m holistic (so are my parents), but I believe there is a time and a place for western medicine. By the time of diagnosis, I had gone too far to be healed in the eastern ways.

Doctors said things like “surgery”, “colon cancer”, “removing feet from your intestines” and “medication forever”.

This was the scariest time of my life

I remember sitting in my apartment crying. Deep sobbing soulful tears.

  • I didn’t want to go to a treatment center with other “sick people”.

  • I didn't’ want to be hooked up to an IV for 2.5 hours every other month.

  • I didn’t want the bad side effects

However, I had to face the blunt truth:

I spent too long not listening to my intuition. It was too late to heal completely holistically.

Eventually, I said yes.

I am not Crohn’s

People tell me all the time how amazing it is that I got into remission so quickly. That I should be a spokesperson for Crohn’s.

While I am overjoyed to be in good health (and it is amazing), this disease is not my identity. I truly never intended on sharing how this disease started.

Or that I ultimately gave it to myself by not listening.  

I was on the road to Crohn’s for a lot of years. I had mono growing up, I took a lot of antibiotics in my 20s, I was diagnosed with gastritis and IBS at 25, I had an anxious/nervous demeanor, and my life was not in alignment (to name some).

While this disease may have come at some point, this trauma definitely pulled the trigger.

I was too embarrassed to tell my parents or friends about the cheating. I was too prideful to admit that my high-powered job was too much for me. I knew what people would say, and I wasn’t ready to leave. So instead, I kept quiet.

The more I hid, the louder my body became.

Releasing my shame story

I experienced a lot of shame with this disease.

  • Shame that I stayed with a man who hurt me.

  • Shame that I kept it all a secret.

  • Shame that I let it get that bad.

  • Shame that I couldn’t heal completely on my own.

  • Shame that I didn’t listen to my intuition.

My shame stories end now.

I’m done feeling embarrassed or shameful that I spent so long not leaving situations that were toxic, not working on myself, that my case became so severe.

Everything happens for a reason

I truly believe that. Everything unfolded the way that it did so that I could share.

So that I could step up and show what happens when we don’t follow our gut. When we shut off our intuition.

So that I could inspire and help others that are on a similar path (whatever that means for them).

This is why I dedicate my life now to preventative care. To releasing our anxiety. To releasing our shame. To connecting with our intuition. To leaning into our empath abilities.

disease is a wake-up call, not a curse

It took me a year after diagnosis to leave my relationship and corporate job (I actually left them both on the same day), but once I did, I was FREE.

I eventually honored my intuition, and as a result I was rewarded.

My life began to blossom for me the moment I walked away.

Today I work intimately with my intuition and listen to her as best as I possibly can!  

Cheers to good health

I’ve now been in remission for almost a year (for more on how, click here), been off my medication for many months, and I have never felt better!

True health is a lifestyle

It is not a diet. It is not a program. It is how we live and operate. It is what we believe in our minds, it is the food we put our body (both physically and emotionally – yes we digest emotions too).

We focus so much on diet and exercise in our society. However, as shown through my story, I feel a much bigger emphasis needs to be placed on our thoughts and our intuition.

We all already know

I ask every client that comes to me, “what do you need to do to be healthy?”

Just like I knew, all of my clients know what they need to do! It is just a matter of listening to our intuition, having a support system, and being brave enough to follow our truth.

Do you know what you need to do to be healthy? Are you looking for community support? Click the button below to join the Wizebody Tribe - A place you can be YOU and share your truth. There is so much power in sharing and being witnessed!

Becca Wiseman